Getting Smart Is A Two-Part Process (from Chapter Two: If I'm So Smart, Why Am I So Dumb About Money?)
Though money knows no gender, my research confirmed my conviction that the path to financial enlightenment can be very different for women than for men. Certainly, many men have emotional blocks around money. But generally speaking, women, as we've seen, struggle with very different, deeply ingrained issues that are specifically related to growing up female. For women to achieve financial self-sufficiency, I believe we must follow a two-pronged process.

In other words, we have two tasks we must accomplish in order to reach our goal: I call these two tasks the outer work and the inner work.

The outer work tackles practical matters and deals with factual information; the inner work explores the psychological realm and focuses on emotional awareness. It is the inner work of transforming our beliefs and attitudes combined with the outer work of absorbing hard-nosed facts that ensures our success. That is why, for many of us, reading an investment book isn't enough. Financial proficiency occurs when rational data is coupled with personal insight, when we develop our financial skills while transcending our personal limitations.

I spoke to psychologist Carol Sirulnick, who explained it like this: "My experience is that women will take classes, read books, but they don't find out why it is so hard for them to make decisions. And the reason is generally emotional. If you don't do the emotional work, you have a hard time making financial decisions."

Stockbroker Ellen Stromberg similarly observed: "Fifteen years ago, no one thought that there might be more to investing than studying companies. But it's become clear that emotions are important, especially for women. We women take in so many messages and fears from society and family, so many unwritten rules that shape our feelings about money. Understanding these messages can make it easier to understand financial decisions."

But confronting these emotions can be a formidable challenge, like sitting naked in front of a mirror. Granted that for some women, examining finances is no big deal. But for many of us, it is a very uncomfortable experience. We are forced to see what we've been trying to hide and would rather ignore. Like corks long held under water, a whole rang of feelings may rush to the surface: nervousness, apprehension, grief, insecurity, shame, guilt, or inadequacy. We begin to see our own barriers, the way we've been socialized, decisions we've made that didn't serve us. We come face-to-face with our deepest fears of becoming homeless, getting old, being alone. All kinds of questions arise. What if it's too late? What if I can't learn this? What if I make the same mistakes again?