Do you want to make more money? Have I got a secret for you. Actually, I've got lots of secrets, but this is the BIG One. It comes directly from a question I asked over 150 high earners—women I interviewed for my book Secrets of Six-Figure Women.
The question: "Are you doing this for the money?"

The overwhelming response was a definite "NO." It wasn't the money that drove them. It was passion, recognition, challenge, independence. But at the same time—and here's the Big Secret—they damn well wanted to be well- compensated because they felt they were worth it!!

That's not the case with most of us, however. We instinctively, if unwittingly, devalue ourselves. We have those little voices in our heads that insist: "Who do you think you are? No one's going to pay you that much." I am convinced that self-depreciation goes right to the heart of our financial ruts. Negotiation techniques and assertiveness skills can easily be learned by taking courses or reading books. But the truth is, if you're going to command more, you have to truly believe you're worth it.

Without that conviction, we lack the confidence to take a strong stand, and the certitude to convince others. People always respond to our vibes far more than our words.

Here's the hopeful news. Many six-figure women admitted questioning their own value. Yet they didn't let that stop them. These women developed their confidence like weight lifters build muscles, by continually pushing themselves to take a stand, ask for more, demand what they're worth, and say no when appropriate—despite their trepidation.

 Here are some tips directly from these women for pumping up your self-worth along with your net worth.

• Think Big, Then Think Even Bigger
  What most of us do is unwittingly limit our earnings by lowering our expectations. Especially women. Even in studies where women are trained in negotiation strategies, they set their sights lower and end up with less money than men. The idea is to value yourself fairly compared to others in your field or at your level.
  
• Do Your Homework
  One of the worst negotiating mistakes people make is picking a number out of the air and finding out later it was way too low. The smarter ones do their homework to avoid that pitfall. They found out their market value by researching the going rates, then asked for more than is offered so they'd have room to maneuver. (According polls, over 80 percent of human resource professionals said they expect counter offers.)
  
• Take the Initiative
  You can counter a tendency to downplay yourself by presenting tangible evidence of what you bring to the table. Maybe you saved your company x amount of dollars or had an idea that generated so many sales. Keep a tally of everything you've done in a file. Don't wait for the review. Go in and ask for work, ask for responsibility, ask for challenge. Let your supervisor know exactly where your sights are set. Taking the initiative is an effective means of demonstrating your value and your intentions to an organization.
  
• Daily Affirmations
  Affirmations are positive statements expressed as if they've already happened. For example: "I have the confidence to ask for what I want."
  "I welcome more money in my life." Write them down. Post them in full view. Say them out loud as often as possible. As one affirmation enthusiast told me, "The more often I hear the words coming out my mouth, the more I internalize it, and the more my psyche knows it's going to happen."
  
• Challenge yourself in other areas
  A stretch in any area of life has a ripple effect in other areas as well. If you can't quite get yourself to volunteer for that tough assignment or ask for a raise, try signing up for an art class or running a marathon. Anything that puts you out of your comfort zone builds confidence and self-worth. One woman attributed her spike in salary to her success on a strict diet. "I saw I could count on myself to stick to this diet which I'd never been able to do before. I started taking myself more seriously, especially at work."
  
• Act as if
  Asking for top dollar takes a lot of nerve, which most of us won't feel at the time. But just because you don't feel it doesn't mean you can't fake it. Even six-figure women have doubted their worth, but to all the world, they appear undaunted. Acting as if is a sure fire antidote for weak knees, a pounding heart, or a deflated ego. Besides, when you act as if you're worth a lot, you'll eventually convince yourself as well as others.
  

Copyright 2005 Barbara Stanny